I’ve been trying to get settled in the new rental house in the East Bay, and this upcoming Saturday will be my Lucrezia’s third birthday. I feel bittersweet yet excited. Sad, too. I am a walking mess of conflicting emotions. You see, my Internet friends, the reason behind the tangled feelings I’ve been experiencing is that not once did Lucrezia get to celebrate her birthday with the whole family, unlike her older sister and brother.
I wish ferociously that she will get to celebrate her birthday with her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends in addition to me and her dad and Izabelia.
It’s a big deal to celebrate someone’s birthday. We made a choice to bring Lucrezia into this world because we wanted her, and since the day we found out we were expecting her, we’ve loved her.
Tim tells me not to worry or to care deeply about this glaringly oversight, but I just want to make sure that Lucrezia knows she’s loved. People are sensitive about those kinds of things, especially children. So I overcompensate. Big time.
Lucrezia . . . we are ecstatic that you are born to us who love you deeply, truly, madly, and that you are wanted in every way imaginable. The day you were born was the happiest and luckiest day of my life because you were and still are my anchor to this world I live in. The past three years with you, I cried out of joy and sorrow, I laughed with you and marveled at your creativity and beauty. The way you see the world taught me how to appreciate the little things here on Earth. I may be unable to give you everything, but I try my best, and I hope you will forgive me for all my failing ways. Sometimes the world conspires against me, but it is not for the lack of trying.
We moved to San Francisco in our search for a new life, to have our new beginning and to create our own family memories and new traditions. Your dad and I might doubt ourselves for making such a momentous decision that uprooted you and your sister from everything you knew, but you, Lucrezia, you never got to know the world we left behind, and for that I am bittersweet. I tried my best to have you spend time with your Rexford side of the family for 8 months prior to moving here to San Francisco bay area, and I saw that you blossom under the loving attention of your grandparents and Gran-Gran. I am so thankful for giving you that gift.
My sweet November child, happy 3rd Birthday when you turns 3 this Saturday. It will be a wonderful, intimate, close family only, the four of us, taking you to a place you love the most, where the ocean meets the land under the bright blue sky, where the waves kiss your toes, and where we all will let go of your balloons so they can carry your birthday wishes to up above to the heavens where the angels can see your wishes come true . . .
